Life springs eternal
On a gaudy neon street
Not that I care at all
I spent the best part of my losing streak
In an Army Jeep
For what I can’t recall
Oh I’m banging on my TV set
And I check the odds
And I place my bet
I pour a drink
And I pull the blind
And I wonder what I’ll find
I’m Leaving Las Vegas
Lights so bright
Palm sweat, blackjack
On a Saturday night
Leaving Las Vegas
Leaving for good, for good
I’m leaving for good
I’m leaving for good
Used to be I could drive up to
Barstow for the night
Find some crossroad trucker
To demonstrate his might
But these days it seems
Nowhere is far enough away
So I’m leaving Las Vegas today
I’m standing in the middle of the desert
Waiting for my ship to come in
But now no joker, no jack, no king
Can take this loser hand
And make it win
I quit my job as a dancer
At the Lido Des Girls
Dealing blackjack until one or two
Such a muddy line between
The things you want
And the things you have to do
I’m leaving Las Vegas
And I won’t be back
No I won’t be back
Not this time
For three decades I’ve roamed this earth and still I’m unaware of my purpose. I struggle every single day under the brightness of the morning sun to understand why I’ve been granted another day. Maybe I’m still here because of the relationships with my family and friends. Maybe I’m still here because there’s someone out there that I have yet to meet, to strike up a meaningful conversation that may just save their lives or maybe to help influence them to make the right decision. Maybe I’ll still here because someone close to me needs me… and wants me to be around.
Sometimes I find myself being selfish as I pray to God before bed asking him to take me away, to end this pitiful existence that I call my life.
So “EMO”… so tragic. But I can’t help but feel this way.
As the hours of my thirtieth year are slowly coming to an end, I can only hope and pray that my purpose will soon be discovered.
So yesterday my boss of 5 years and a really close friend of mine opens up about his current situation with his boyfriend. After 13 years of gay-marriage, his bf wants to make a transition to Seattle Washington. As he explains the story to me, I can feel the tension in his voice and the pain that radiates from his heart. My boss isn’t spontaneous, he’s the type that tries to avoid change at all cost. He’s kinda the guy that has everything figured out. Good career, big money, beautiful house, awesome truck - and now, with a boyfriend that wants to move away.
I can relate in every way. I once had a boyfriend that lived with me that decided to move away. In my case, I couldn’t follow. The day that I dreaded had finally come and gone. Stranded alone with a broken heart, I was left to decide what I wanted out of my life and out of the relationship that had just left me. The plan of five years had finally begun.
Now, after three years nothing much has changed. I still love him, but time plus distance equals PAIN - SUFFERING and APATHY.
The PAIN of not being able to hold the one person that you love… being deprived of kissing them goodnight and wishing them a good morning.
All the while I sit here trying to catch my breath, SUFFERING from a PAIN so deep and so real that every muscle in body aches, every thought is tainted with the idea of moving on to someone else.
After three years I feel increasingly APATHETIC towards this relationship.
Hearing sad news about a long-term relationship coming to a potential end hurts like a blade slowly piercing my heart. What do I say to comfort my friend, when I’m faced with a similar obstacle.
Ok. So I’m at a week long conference today. It’s the HP Conference here at the Venetian. Tons of people… Ten thousand to be exact. Everyone has their little name badges wrapped around their necks… their HP Discover backpacks hoisted on their shoulders and a smartphone or tablet pc either up against their ear or right in their face. It’s quite interesting to watch people interact with their new technologies. Even with the guest speakers lecturing, tablet pcs and iPads are running, people are playing games or on FaceTime chatting with friends back home giving the thumbs up and whispering into the front camera of their iPads, “I’m in Vegas baby”. God how these devices have changed and revolutionized the way humans interact. No longer do we sit still, listening to the speakers and handwriting notes or ideas, no longer do we take still images to share with friends back home, we now turn on the camera/video capabilities record and send them the pictures or videos in realtime via email. Just an observation from this forum…
FYI, my iPad and iPhone stayed in my backup during the lectures. I’m not one to record every second.
I’m starting to understand how my mother can turn her back on people, I have a friend who will remain nameless , but for this convoy let’s name em Mr.p. I’ve know for a long time 8 years now, yet everytime he drinks or gets mad he happens to take it out on me and I don’t do much but grin and bear…
I have no idea who you’re talking about Zeta! =) Just hang in there.
Hi Josh! Thank you VERY MUCH for your kind message. You have a very nice blog and I am happy you noticed mine. To answer you... I have no favorite lens I must say. It depends on the time (I have some "lens" periods... we had the John S then the Tejas then the Chunky then the Lucifer and I recently delt with a Helga obsession) and on the pic I want to take. Right now I am testing the new lenses. What do you think of them by the way? Have you got a fav lens yourself?
Hi! I’ve had Hipstamatic for a while now but never really got into it till recently. I’ve been using the Kaimal Mark II lense a lot lately with float film… and I kinda like the Bettie XL and Ina’s 1935 film that’s paired with it. It’s a lot of fun mixing the different lense and film combinations to get the right effect. You have a really good eye for shots, I wish I had the same! =)
Delaware Gov. Jack Markell today signed legislation that makes Delaware the eighth state to allow civil unions or comprehensive domestic partnerships for same-sex couples. The law takes effect Jan. 1, 2012.
It’s been four weeks since I’ve joined a local Las Vegas Gay Volleyball League. A friend of mine asked me to play, mind you - I haven’t played organized volleyball since 2004. I kept resisting to join, with years of phone calls, emails and texts. I finally gave in. I miss playing volleyball… Hawaii and volleyball are two things that go hand-in-hand. I was pretty good, years ago. Now I’m a little slower, a little older - and a lot less competitive. Of course I want to win, but I want to have fun doing it.
So back to my team.
It’s been four weeks since my first match with the group. Knowing only two people on our team of 8 made me feel a bit uneasy. I played, not so good a game - but I had fun doing it. Playing volleyball always reminds me of my high school days and how much fun we had goofing off and playing under the hot sun or in the warm cozy gyms. Time stood still when we played. All these emotions rushed back into me, years after playing my last game. However, we lost both games that night. People on my team had issues with other teammates - drama, drama, drama. How could I avoid drama… I’m joining a GAY volleyball league! The fun in me was sucked out the following two weeks. We won one game out of the 4 - and some of our guys hate losing. Oh well. Now some of them have openly expressed their distaste of certain individuals on the team, causing a lot of tension. Thankfully, I’m not the cause of their animosity, but still I can’t help but feel a little taken-back about the whole situation. I can’t play with people that are always pissed off - with egos big enough to fill the entire gym. So I’ve decided to stop playing. I feel that my contribution to the team was minimal… and my lost presence will not be felt or missed. I just feel really bad that my friend is going to have to face them all alone.