he cried no tears

Hey, do you like nuts in your fudge?

My trip is almost over… So sad. Need to return to reality soon.

I wish life could be one long vacation.

“Leaving Las Vegas”

Life springs eternal
On a gaudy neon street
Not that I care at all
I spent the best part of my losing streak
In an Army Jeep
For what I can’t recall
Oh I’m banging on my TV set
And I check the odds
And I place my bet
I pour a drink
And I pull the blind
And I wonder what I’ll find

[Chorus]
I’m Leaving Las Vegas
Lights so bright
Palm sweat, blackjack
On a Saturday night
Leaving Las Vegas
Leaving for good, for good
I’m leaving for good
I’m leaving for good

Used to be I could drive up to
Barstow for the night
Find some crossroad trucker
To demonstrate his might
But these days it seems
Nowhere is far enough away
So I’m leaving Las Vegas today

[Chorus]

I’m standing in the middle of the desert
Waiting for my ship to come in
But now no joker, no jack, no king
Can take this loser hand
And make it win

[Chorus]

I quit my job as a dancer
At the Lido Des Girls
Dealing blackjack until one or two
Such a muddy line between
The things you want
And the things you have to do

[Chorus]

I’m leaving Las Vegas
And I won’t be back
No I won’t be back
Not this time

For three decades I’ve roamed this earth and still I’m unaware of my purpose. I struggle every single day under the brightness of the morning sun to understand why I’ve been granted another day. Maybe I’m still here because of the relationships with my family and friends. Maybe I’m still here because there’s someone out there that I have yet to meet, to strike up a meaningful conversation that may just save their lives or maybe to help influence them to make the right decision. Maybe I’ll still here because someone close to me needs me… and wants me to be around.

Sometimes I find myself being selfish as I pray to God before bed asking him to take me away, to end this pitiful existence that I call my life. 

So “EMO”… so tragic. But I can’t help but feel this way.

As the hours of my thirtieth year are slowly coming to an end, I can only hope and pray that my purpose will soon be discovered. 

This is me, passing my thirty mark…

I’ve been studying for 2 weeks now and I’m still on chapter 5! Damn SQL! This book is such a snoozer! I hope I pass the test next month…

So yesterday my boss of 5 years and a really close friend of mine opens up about his current situation with his boyfriend. After 13 years of gay-marriage, his bf wants to make a transition to Seattle Washington. As he explains the story to me, I can feel the tension in his voice and the pain that radiates from his heart. My boss isn’t spontaneous, he’s the type that tries to avoid change at all cost. He’s kinda the guy that has everything figured out. Good career, big money, beautiful house, awesome truck - and now, with a boyfriend that wants to move away.

I can relate in every way. I once had a boyfriend that lived with me that decided to move away. In my case, I couldn’t follow. The day that I dreaded had finally come and gone. Stranded alone with a broken heart, I was left to decide what I wanted out of my life and out of the relationship that had just left me. The plan of five years had finally begun.

Now, after three years nothing much has changed. I still love him, but time plus distance equals PAIN - SUFFERING and APATHY.

The PAIN of not being able to hold the one person that you love…  being deprived of kissing them goodnight and wishing them a good morning.

All the while I sit here trying to catch my breath, SUFFERING from a PAIN so deep and so real that every muscle in body aches, every thought is tainted with the idea of moving on to someone else.

After three years I feel increasingly APATHETIC towards this relationship.

Hearing sad news about a long-term relationship coming to a potential end hurts like a blade slowly piercing my heart. What do I say to comfort my friend, when I’m faced with a similar obstacle.

shediedforloveat3am:

I’ve never been in a worse situation than now

 Keep your head up. Things will get better!

Damn. About 30% of these breakout sessions are way over my head. I need to hit the books again to stay up to date. Argh! I just with shit stayed static. Oh well…

Ok. So I’m at a week long conference today. It’s the HP Conference here at the Venetian. Tons of people… Ten thousand to be exact. Everyone has their little name badges wrapped around their necks… their HP Discover backpacks hoisted on their shoulders and a smartphone or tablet pc either up against their ear or right in their face. It’s quite interesting to watch people interact with their new technologies. Even with the guest speakers lecturing, tablet pcs and iPads are running, people are playing games or on FaceTime chatting with friends back home giving the thumbs up and whispering into the front camera of their iPads, “I’m in Vegas baby”. God how these devices have changed and revolutionized the way humans interact. No longer do we sit still, listening to the speakers and handwriting notes or ideas, no longer do we take still images to share with friends back home, we now turn on the camera/video capabilities record and send them the pictures or videos in realtime via email. Just an observation from this forum…

FYI, my iPad and iPhone stayed in my backup during the lectures. I’m not one to record every second.